July 3, 2008

I Loved the Road

Once I loved the road, got a charge out of road tripping, driving and singing with my elbow out the window, going elsewhere, driving around to see what's going on ...
but ...
Love Hurts!
diesel%20fuel%20June%202008.jpg

OMG!
In case the glare is too much, yes, that reads $695.00 worth of fuel. Likely this isn’t even a fill-up since it got rounded to less than $700. “Hey honey, let’s sleep in the car tonight, it costs as much as the High Roller Suite at Hotel Swank."

Ok, I admit I still love her and I always will.
But gotta reevaluate and redefine the relationship with the two-lane blacktop, the white line, life between the ditches, the pedal to the metal.
It's our July 4th patriotic duty to streamline and become a leaner cleaner greener wienermobiler.

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Check it out, we have a fine frankfurter of a tradition going, assuming duo years doth a tradition make:
2007 _wienermobile_summer_tour
This 2008 photo supplied by a fan o'bigbonton, Abby-Patty and her trusty Canon Digital Elf.
You go girl! You walk, look, and drive like an Ace.

April 15, 2008

(didn't) eat in a train car

$6.95 All You can Eat Buffet

Eat in a train car!
(But it turned into a circus train.)
Somewhere beside the train tracks with weeds growing up through the railroad ties.

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Before we went inside we saw the first old person using a medical walker, she was slow, old and infirm. Her husband let her out of the car at the train car restaurant entrance. Once she had fully disembarked from the vehicle (five long minutes) she stood at the handi-ramp while her husband parked the Ford Fairlane. She just stood and waited for him and he came around and walked beside her and held the door. It was the healthiest thing we’d see for the next ten minutes.

Inside in a booth along the far wall was an old farm couple, we knew they were a farm couple because everyone else was and he wore overalls. We wondered if they liked the all-you-can-eat boiled vegetables from the buffet. The farmer man had his arm cut off below the elbow. Maybe from a farm accident? How long ago was the accident? How did he get to the hospital? Did they amputate it on the farm and say “We don’t need no fancy book learning Doctor, we country folk can survive.” We walked past and overheard his farm wife saying with a tired tone, “for better or for worse,” - no kidding, she was saying that. How many times does THAT marriage vow get worked into a conversation, especially when it applies to the exact thought of a passerby? We were wondering how that lost limb had impacted their lives together.

At the $6.95 All You can Eat Buffet walk-up counter there were two old folks using medical walkers. Make that trying to use walkers, they were clanging together, muttering tiny “oh my’s” and each one waiting for the other to do something right and solve their tangled dilemma. This never happens at home when they sit and stare at the TV. They seemed like they were together but it also seems like they’d be better synchronized if they were together.

Tried not to be juvenile and impatient, but… we couldn’t stay, headed for the door. On the way out we passed the circus fat lady, and we’re not being mean, but she could sell tickets to the sight of her girth. She took up two chairs and spilled over the edges. Did the place notice her when she arrived? What engineering did it take for her to be seated on her two chairs? Couldn’t help but peek at the chair placement strategy, there was a two foot gap between chairs. For air?
Her husband, the husband of the circus fat lady, was addressing one of their three kids. The middle kid, a boy, was getting dressed down, the oldest, a girl, looked resigned, despaired and void of emotion. The youngest (Boy? Girl? WTF?) stared and drooled, barely moving, an odd stillness for a young kid. But the middle child! Not yet beaten down but it’s coming, energy and life will drain from a little boy when Pop has a sneer like Popeye (pulled face, one eye winking closed) and is saying in an angry tense stage threat, “Dat kinda leg kickin’ gonna get yo butt tow up” while glaring with that one open hot eyeball. Pop communicates with heat & hate. The middle child little boy licked at his fork, smiling an embarrassed “see if I care” smile, without having any escape or even a point of reference to know there was any escape. This wasn’t what he signed up for before being born. His poor, poor life.

After we escaped to the parking lot we had to admit the fried chicken looked good, really crispy, but we couldn’t bear to reenter even for a to-go order. Anyhow, what’s the sense of getting a to-go from a $6.95 All You can Eat Buffet? That’s crazy.


“Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing."
- Macbeth's soliloquy in act 5, scene 5.

And down the road we went.

February 20, 2008

Castro-mobile parked in Fidel Field

So what?
Maybe we weren’t playing dominoes in Cuba the day Fidel Castro announced he would stand down, but in a turquoise car, with plenty of salt on the rim, and sand on the mini-whitewall tires, who could know whether or not we’re sporting Guayaberas, using an unlit cigar as a conversation prop, while proffering the high stepping fillies a cane juice mojito from our Styrofoam cooler via Dixie cup dipper . . .

Un cuba libre por favor? Nada, compadre, mojito!
The only unknown: reflector shades or jet-black wrap arounds?

Strike out line 1:
My name's Juan Manure, but you can call me "lover."

Strike out line 2:
Juan Manure: Can I borrow a quarter?
"What for?”
Juan Manure: I want to call your mother and thank her.

Strike out line 3:
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.


Chevy%20Impala%20.jpg

The steering wheel is this big (hold your arms outstretched wide). No head rests, no carpeting, just a bumpy plastic-y black rubber that resembles carpet nubs. The driver has the option of locking the ignition or leaving it able to start without a key.
AM radio, one speaker, with analog (of course) needle dial tuner. The car horn? Nicknamed the “Cuban doorbell”.
The trunk could hold 5 bodies back in the day, but in today’s obesity epidemic USA, make it 3 lard-o’s who have landed on the wrong side of Scarface.

Chevrolet's chief engineer in the late 1950s defined the Impala as a "prestige car within the reach of the average American citizen."

This was the best selling car in the USA in the 1960s.
From 1958 until 1966, Chevy sold over 13 million Impalas, more than any other full-size car in the history of the automobile.
Slow and low that is the tempo
Let it flow let yourself go

November 6, 2007

the buzzards are circling

Just in time for Xmas (that's Christmas for Goths):

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Well, they're clear about their inventory.
Somehow makes me want to check my closets for anything missing.
(been feelin' pretty vacant...)

August 14, 2007

Jaco’s Spit & Argue Club

Here’s one of those things that ya drive past,
then ten seconds down the road it clicks and you ask yourself, “What was that!?!”
No other traffic around here, so we did a prompt u-turn.
If we didn’t check this out it might become our first-ever regret.

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No one was around to ask so we're not sure what this “point of interest” is all about.
Since it’s within the horizon of Williams-Bryce Stadium,
home of the Fighting Gamecocks of the University of South Carolina (Go ‘Cocks!),
we’re assuming it’s related to SEC (Southeast Conference) college football and also the South Carolina State Fair.

A dog-day in August, a few trees around, some shade, no breeze.
The ground is covered with peanut shells. The wood railing and shelves had a faint bourbon-like scent. The elbow rail was suds stained and “mature”, as in worn smooth and smelling like a warm empty keg.

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Anyone know of this spot?
Your input is welcome, we’re eager to join in and can participate as well as anyone!
Are we spitters? Yep, as needed. Not habitual spitters, but we keep in practice.
Argumentative? Well, we can be, if that’s what it takes to get a spot at the rail then we’ll just bow-up and start spouting opinions like a campaign stump-meeting wannabe.

Oh, hold on a minute, cool it now - we only spit on the ground and only argue for the cause of “truth, justice, and the American way.”

What might a Jaco sponsored argument be about?
* Politics? - Boring, unless you’re going to get me some o’dat gilded pork barrel funding.
* Chevy vs. Ford? - Nah, we’d just toss a Mini Cooper into the mix & it’d likely dampen the discourse.
* Mustard-based vs. vinegar or ketchup-based sauces? - Heck yeah! Any BBQ topic is worthy of hours spent at a leaning post.

August 4, 2007

wienermobile summer tour

What a country!
We’ve got it all, don’t we? . . . Hey, uh, we do have it all, um, don’t we?

This summer teams up a professional driver with a suited PR man from HQ on a mission with a giant wiener, to spew a big red carbon footprint throughout wiener eating markets.

Their motivation? Spreading the awareness of their brand of wiener and playing an endlessly looped jingle that concludes with
“… everyone would be in love with me ...”

The team of the driver and PR suit spent most of their parking lot marketing interface face-time politely parting their hair with pocket combs.
They are professionally serious about their image.

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wienermobile front


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wienermobile back

The wienermobile team ignored all questions about the interior of the wienermobile. Is that a bunking hutch in the rear? Alas, we may never know.


Can’t you imagine that Monday morning marketing meeting
way back in January . . .

Wiener Big Boss: “Johnson, how would you feel about taking on a critical front line PR job? We need a man on it!”

Johnson: (thinking) “As a way to get out of the cubicle for the summer? Heck yeah!” (speaking) “I’d love the challenge, sir.”

Wiener Big Boss: “Well it’s front line duty and critical to our brand awareness to further the image we wish to project in today’s competitive wiener environment.”

Johnson: (speaking) “I’ll pack my best pocket comb, sir.” (thinking) “Road trip! I’ve always wanted to be able to say that, road trip! At long last, a fun summer. I knew if I stayed steady I’d get my reward! I’m really going places now, thanks to wieners!”

July 1, 2007

highway forty-one revisited

Gather thy web content as thou art able,
for one never knows when uncertainties of life or love may crash down on your head. Not that the lack of a clear and certain path has ever hindered a bonnie-tonnie rambling walkabout.
Duh!
Clearly seeing your entire path and final destination renders the daily process of life moot. Wouldn’t it be boring, anyway, starting out with all the answers? Suit yourself, but do you feel required to really -really- see the future? Then simply have your tombstone made and gaze upon it. Add your tax returns to the viewfinder and there it is – your two certainties in this life. Death & taxes.
How's that suit ya?
Still lacking something? Salty? Sugary?
For a firm footing in the future, find faith.

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This roadside peanut stand isn’t open right now,
they shut to walk down the way to attend a gospel music singing.
Instead of grabbing a brown bagged snack for the road, we joined the gathering and got a dose of:
"On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand."


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Along GA Hwy 41, aka “the old two lane”,
“I was born in the back seat of a Greyhound bus
Rolling down highway forty-one“.

Likely the new parents in the song asked the bus driver to stop here (above)
so they could secure a sugar-tit or two for their newborn rambler.
Yes, I said sugar-tit. <- click to learn how we’re still Rated G.
Oh, it’s not easy being clean.

Some people need conflict to keep them charged. Others require a clear and certain set of instructions they can obediently adhere to. Other people can enjoy the passing of time and gather up a few handfuls of salty boiled peanuts and sugary pecan candies along the way.


click “continue reading” for full lyrics of
"Ramblin' Man" by the Allman Brothers Band.
PS: Eat A Peach!

Continue reading "highway forty-one revisited" »

April 26, 2007

Cooter aplenty in '07

Before our “always rated “G” assurance rating is revoked,
we must spell out:
cooter is a southeastern US slang for "snapping turtles."

cooterfest.jpg

From the website advertised above:
cooterfest.com/
“The very first Carolina "Cooter" fest featured the worlds smallest ''Cooter" which weighed in at 4 grams, while the "Largest Cooter" tipped the scales at 25 pounds. There was also a prize given for the "Best Dressed Cooter".”

More cooter news:

Inverness, Florida sparked controversy by founding a "cooter festival" in celebration of their local turtles.
cooterfestival.com
To quote their website: “This family, fun-filled weekend of Cooter activities, as showcased on Comedy Central / The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, will include a great line-up of entertainment filled with music, Cooter Races, and special guest Sonny Shroyer “Enos” of Dukes of Hazzard fame. Enos will zoom into town in the General Lee and spend the weekend reliving his bumbling deputy sheriff role – WOW! It’s fun on a scale you’ve never seen! “

Anytime you are told “WOW! It’s fun on a scale you’ve never seen!” the correct reaction is a pull-back.
But think of the cooters!
Go!
Enjoy a Spring ’07 festival.
Don’t be an old Coot, get out and lively up yourself.


April 15, 2007

Edisto Motel

They don’t make ‘em like that anymore.
For 53 years this place did a booming business from outdoorsmen, highway travelers, and who knows who?

edisto%20motel%20hwy%2017.JPG

The Edisto Motel had the Edisto Restaurant in the center of their half-loop driveway.
It was known as the best seafood joint around, good enough to have 50 people standing in line on a Saturday night to feast on fresh fried fish, shrimp, and oysters – not that there were many dining options to choose from on this stretch of Hwy 17, but the food and atmosphere was uniquely roadside home cooking. The fish were from the nearby Edisto River, the longest black-water river in the world, which winds from Orangeburg, SC to the sea. Sometimes they’d have eel if anyone is into that . . . eel. I’ll eat it (with sushi) but may not want to catch it or prepare it.


When we dropped in to investigate this old roadhouse we were hoping for a chance to pit-stop for a few nights, but our hopes were dashed when we were told that they weren’t opening again this year. An old woman in the lobby-turned-country-gift-shop turned away from her telephone conversation and said, “It got too old, like so much else around here.” She was talking on a wall mounted rotary dial phone with a 7-foot handset cord. No DTMF (Dual-tone multi-frequency) or wireless radio waves in use around here, they’re kicking it corded, with old school twisty cabling. The lights were out too, but that was just due to a windstorm. The lack of electrical power enhanced the feeling of going back in time to the black & white 1950s.


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They’re still doing well with the place, there’s a classiness about it.
Look again, it’s easy to dismiss this as a relic in our modern era of Interstate Highway exits with their chains of Best-Econo-franchise-Lodge-Inn. This place is still quiet, clean, has plenty of privacy, and nice tile details that show pride in the business. Bet it’d be a great place to shower & sleep while on the back roads and rivers in the area. I want a tour of the rooms, they’re actually small cabins made to look like they’re attached.


17102 Ace Basin Pkwy
Hwy 17
Jacksonboro, SC 29452

April 1, 2007

Keys Found

Found on sidewalk near the beach:

motel%20keychain%20overloaded.jpg

* One set of keys, or a collection of many sets of keys. Hard to tell.

* About 7 pounds of keys in total.

* Keys are unlabeled, nearly useless. Possibly a child’s toy?

* Possible sinker & lure combo for deep-sea fishing, especially dolphin.

* If this was on a belt, pants were lost as well.

* May belong to an entire small town, or someone who feels important because of their access to every lock they've ever come in contact with - ever!

* To claim these keys you must be a male - come on, no female would ever have all this, even inside the handbag to top all handbags.

December 14, 2006

snow December 2006

Mid-December we had a few acres of white fluffy stuff,
so much so that we stopped to take a few photos.

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The fluff compacted into eight foot drifts in places.

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Notice the clouds on the horizon, could bring us more!

December 1, 2006

sermon for this week

this just in . . . from a fan in "Springfield"
- we suspect it's not Springfield, Illinois or Springfield, Missouri,
but Springfield as in "The Simpsons":

churchsign%201%20bigbonton.jpg


Hmm. We like it! We like it!
'tis the season for some good churching-up and what a joyful way to celebrate life - Reality Hacking a church marquee!

Continue reading "sermon for this week" »

June 11, 2006

bridge frame

We've been back and forth over this bridge so many times it's become invisible.
We decided to look from a new perspective.

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Keepin' it fresh from under some bridge somewhere.

This weekend was the Solstice Full Moon and the extra high tide that comes with it.
Great for sunset kayaking, so we put in and allowed ourselves to get a bit lost in the creeks.
[note: this is a wide river in the photo, not a tidal creek]
Not a real problem, letting yourself get lost in a maze of meandering marsh passages, since we could always scoot over the tops of most Spartina / marsh grass in the extra high tide and make a break for a channel, then follow the tide home.

Going on the water at sunset provides beautifuly soft light but you must be ready with:
1/ flashlights (plural). 2/ reflective hat, vest. 3/ whistle.

New stand-alone rule: just don't ever leave home without a whistle.
They're great on keychains and you never know when you may want to toot your own whistle and direct traffic or just tweet to become the center of attention (again).

May 6, 2006

along the Coastal Hwy

This BBQ place never really got going.
and then the Interstate came through, then people started eating salads instead of BBQ and then they quit going to the beach what with the price of gas these days . . .

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Earlier we've stated some (made-up) rule about how a tin roof and smoking pit guarantees good eating.
This is an exception to that rule, even the tin roof couldn't save this BBQ joint. Maybe the food wasn't good or the cooks were surly & glum?

Today the parking lot has a tree growing up through the pavement. Couldn't photograph from that part of the lot because some rapscallion ne'er-do-wells were conducting some sort of business on that very spot by the tree - whoops! - we didn't see anything, don't know nothing 'bout nothing.

All I know is I don't know.

We documented the failed BBQ stand and departed before they could come over.
As we shifted into 2nd gear we heard the crime boss yell
"you best Ge-et out this lot!".
Right, some bravado crowing from the rural poor, but here's another made-up rule:
"don't get in a fight with someone that has nothing to loose".

3rd gear, 4th gear, and we're laughing and I'm checking the rear view mirror - as if!

March 31, 2006

Cadillac Grill

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A beauty.
Look at that blue sky reflecting in the chrome.
The fine details include notched etching on the cursive font.
A thing of beauty is a joy forever (hmm, who originally said that? Harley Earl?)

This is the car we used in the photo shoot for The South Magazine, not a bad toy for us to goof around with while on a quest for the best BBQ in the land.

It's a living . . .

January 5, 2006

Port-o-Desk


And so begins another year on the road.
we gots da wi-fi notebook, a digicam, old school yellow pages, dead tree folio, and an MP3 enabled jambox with which to spread some joyous grooves -
all on a standup desk-like platform
with a 4 wheel drive and we actually lock the hubs!
logon, logoff!
bonton roulement en 2006

September 19, 2005

mid-September, on the road again



Harvest Moon 2005 rising over the old Hwy 40 in western Colorado. Heading east to Denver after a Rocky Mountain excursion.

Yes, this is a recent photo, not a shot from last October 2004.
Needed some thin dry air after surviving my most humid and sweaty summer in decades in the Sea Islands of the Low Country.

September 11, 2005

yellow Aspens 2005



a bit early in the season, off in the distance

March 20, 2005

on a cellular modem @ 75MPH

Just because I can, Posting to the blog while driving to Atlanta on I-20. Just passing Athens, G-A.
I am a passenger with a cell modem 56k connected Laptop struggling to hit the right keys while on a moving desk (Ford Explorer) enroute to the Atlanta Motor Speedway for my 1st photoblogging NASCAR experience. Viva la access to info. Push Button Publishing I'm an air-conditioned gypsy, I'm Mo-bile!

[Posted a few days later:
this post has no relation to the post below.
I was NOT riding in that auto-crap-mobile]

March 16, 2005

Clean your car!

Posted by Hello

This mess is the responsibility of . . . I'd better not say.
But if you:
are over 40, are sporting a comb-over,
have never moved out & left home,
are driving your Fathers Oldsmobile,
and the only healthy thing you've eaten in the past
4 months or 4,000 miles
is 1 banana (evidenced by the peel in the margarine tub)
then come on cousin, get it together, will ya?

January 17, 2005

135,000 miles

135,000 miles  Posted by Hello

It's about 3,000 miles coast to coast.
I drove about 6,000 miles coast to coast in October and November.
Lots of loops.
Loop, loop, keep on looping.
Your Pal,
Loopy.

December 20, 2004

Encounter with tribal elder

 Posted by Hello

Elder islander ponders my craft. She spoke in an odd patois and allowed me to proceed after staring several minutes.

December 9, 2004

last morning packing & leaving a motel

 Posted by Hello

The road may be my home but now I gotta get somewhere for the holidays. Yep, I am getting on the on-ramp. Time to make time on the Interstate highway for the first time in over 5,000 miles.
I-10 to I-95. Retire my gas charge card.
Photo taken in Florida.

the road is my home

 Posted by Hello

November 27, 2004

we're getting closer to Holy

we're getting closer to Holy ground

along Natchez Trace Parkway

Natchez%20Trace%20TN.JPG

40 to 50 mph, easy hills, NO traffic. Plenty of stops to overlook or tell your story to the locals.
In French Camp, Mississippi I wowed 'em with some whoppers.
Never let the facts get in the way of a good story.

November 24, 2004

The road between

The road between

November 20, 2004

tripping to the falls



November 16, 2004

Not going well anymore

Out of Kansas, into the east, the south, out of the West for sure.
Had my 1st law enforcement officer encounter of the trip in Missouri. While photographing a sunset I was suspected of having an interest in stealing fertilizer for use in making Methamphetimine. Was an appropriate intro to the state.
Stayed in the worst Motel of the trip here - I wondered if I was going to be kidnapped - the door did not operate well, got locked in to my room. The lights flickered, the walls were concrete block, the window did not open. Trapped like a rat where no one can hear you scream.
Worst roads of the trip, bumpy, bouncy, and not well marked. Got lost due to detours of "road construction". I left Piney Grove, drove 45 minutes, approached the Same Town again, knowing I was not on track but never would have guessed I had looped around.

While in Rolla, Missouri every single person at their many traffic lights was eating from McDonalds wrappers while behind the steering wheel.
and talking with their mouth full.
Fat from junk food
and so were their stupid ugly children. Gross!

Saw the 1st Waffle House.

I miss the West. Feeling closed in, roads are too congested, sites are slight and not so impressive. The Blues were not created in the West. I want Western Swing, not oppression.

This is the point where I quit drinking the water. Nuff said.

Worth getting arrested for?

Stop to take this photo in Missouri, risk getting arrested

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Below the scene are metal tanks reflecting the sunlight.
The tanks contain fertilizer used in making meth.

Leave me alone! For 6 weeks I've been able to stop and go as I wanted. Now I must watch my step. Don't like it here.

OK, to be fair, the law man was a fine example of law enforcement.
He did his job well.
There.
It's not his fault he's stepping on my road trip buzz.

November 7, 2004

mecca

Welcome to Bennington, Kansas
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Check this off your list of places to be before you kick the bucket.
Past that brick building is a gas station and a hamburger restaurant.

small town grain elevator

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Somewhere in central Kansas.

Kanorado, Kansas

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= Kansas + Colorado

November 6, 2004

West Kansas

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153 miles from Denver

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and the Front Range is still visible!

West Kansas

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November 5, 2004

Call for Riders across Kansas

this is an audio post - click to play

Ok all Y'all -
ask any prior rider and you'll learn that a trip avec moi across the backroads grid of Kansas could change your life. Highway only, no I-70 for us!
Keeping it real with the Kansans / Kansians / Kansasites / anyone? Anyone?
Destinations include: Bennington & 1212 Louisiana Street, Lawrence, KS.

through the screen, behind the motel

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This was a favorite Motel, stayed 2 nights.
Salida, Colorado

October 28, 2004

Happy Trails

Happy Trails To You, until we meet again.

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Sand Dunes National Monument. Colorado USA

View from a 104 degree mineral spring.

I'm not telling where.

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Reporting to you relaxed and with healthy mind, muscles, and skin.
The 7th mineral pool soak in Colorado.