August 21, 2011

tomatoes 2011

These were handed to me with two hands the size and toughness of baseball gloves.
Big, tough, brown, and nice, like summer fun.

“Sorry about the wrinkles,” he said. “They say these are the real ones. Called heirlooms, they’re special, the real ones.”

His field is past Whale Branch between Lobeco and Pocataligo and Tomately. Great place names, eh?

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True love, pride - the good kind of pride that is more about pride in work and results, not ego of self.
Healthy hard work, not toil but labor to build, create, make something from nothing.
Cleansing sweat, water, and fresh produce.

These tomatoes don’t grow on trees! You gotta make the ground make em.
The Lord helps those who help themselves
You take one step He’ll take two.

October 25, 2010

Apple Inside

This autumn the indy gentry ruralites find apple peelers to be all the rage.
We’re not impressed. We’re so jaded genuine, nothing is new to us. We’re just eating fresh like Mamma showed us, before fresh eating got called localvore by the Johnny come lately foodies.
But one Monday morning a pairing knife cut us a double take to our core.

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If you peel off this peeling and you find a new peeling.
What manner of double apple is this?

And so we posted the discovery. Now we await a communiqué from world food dominator Monsanto, expecting their claim to “neither affirm nor deny” having a hand in this bi-peel pomme, anticipating that they’ll attack this post as patent infringement or a wiki-leak of their master plan to dominate food to the core!

We’re not food scientists, we’re not even foodies. We’re just good eaters trying to make a morning smoothie. A Monday morning smoothie, with one Granny Smith and one - whatever this morphed or genetically modified or mutated apple is called. REDX2?

There is an apple inside this apple!
Is this a bonus or another sign of the apocalypse?

June 7, 2010

Eat Off the Floor

The latest trendiest epicurean experience involves being a local-vore while demonstrating how pristine yet down-to-earth one is.
To document the result, here's a photo of our chic culinary experience at Chez Tile, circa Summer 2010.

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* Local baby tomatoes - chosen for their ability to best represent their field. These particular ones are in their 95th percentile.

* Bread - starts doughy but when baked and brushed with butter it becomes brown crispness. A metamorphosis reminiscent of a Japanese tea service.

* Cheese - it's cheese, not Kraft "cheese-food" and since it's melted, it's good. Nuff said.

* Beer – embodiment of the Czech notion of "liquid bread."

* Water – now we're getting into the elite-ness of the moment... this water is from the tap. Why is tap water this season’s mod barometer? Oh, don’t be so last week. If we must explain the obvious, read on.

* The plate is on the floor of a simulated bathroom.
Again, I said, the food is served on what represents a bathroom floor.
Why? Because it's all so well cared for that “you can eat off the floor.” Voila, here's your proof.
The Chef has taken the old phrase and acted on it, brought it to life for us to enact.
Are you sold on it? Don't be left out.
Sit on the tile floor (on a towel) and act bored with this season’s new black, the au courant chic culinary experience, circa Summer 2010.

July 31, 2009

Jackalope Dinner Special

This Blue Plate Dinner is a rare treat.

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Jackalope was a favorite meal of Dutch Reagan
when he was down on the ranch.

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The Jackalope it is a hybrid of the pygmy-deer and a species of killer-rabbit. Reportedly, jackalopes are extremely shy unless approached. It's also been said that the jackalope can convincingly imitate any sound, including the human voice. It uses this ability to elude pursuers. (Editors note: ever camped next to a babbling brook? same principle.)

Although no jackalope has ever been captured alive, it is said that a jackalope may be caught by putting a flask of whiskey out at night. The jackalope will drink its fill of whiskey, and its intoxication will make it easier to hunt.
It is also legend that the Cherokee Indians would eat these at the end of a vision quest.

Above all, respect the jackalope.

March 17, 2009

Lay Gourmet

Sometimes it doesn't take that much to turn something plain into something exceptional.
The down home Elvis sandwich, the PB&B, the peanut butter & banana sandwich, is a blank canvas, a platform standing at the ready for your enhancements.

In this installment of the Lay Gourmet, we poked our heads into the kitchen appliance cabinet and felt like playing with the waffle-making waffle iron. This created our alternate for ordinary sandwich bread - the… you guessed it, the waffle as breadie bookends for our custom sammich-making episode.

Instead of using waffle mix we stirred up some cornbread mix, using organic ingredients as much as possible. Buttermilk can work well too, some say it calls for a pinch more baking powder or separated eggs (eggs whites only), but in your kitchen you rule the roost. Pinch or separate or leave it alone, your call. The only change is that the cornbread will be a bit lighter if you do those things.

Back to the topic… cornbread in a waffle iron for a peanut butter & banana sandwich…

The reasoning is two fold: I love cornbread so figured why not feature it whenever possible; and I love crispy cornbread crust so why not make it crispy crisp using the best tool for the job, the waffle iron. No flipping, no timing, since this is an electric model with a timer for pre-heating cooking, and keeping warm – no rush no fuss. Except rush to spread the peanut butter while the bread is hot, add honey first if you really want to trick it out, bananas, Vietnamese cinnamon, pecans, or anything you can think of. Just ask yourself, “What would Elvis do?”

Voila, a sandwich fit for a King.

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The Big E liked his PB&B pan fried in butter. Whatever, it still can be all-organic. If he'd had me in his entourage he'd still be shaking a leg because he'd eat right and be alive.

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"It’s a good thing." Isn’t that the Martha Stewart catchphrase?

DO TRY THIS AT HOME, but...
Are the two above-mentioned celebrity names actually role models for us to emulate? Martha on what's right and good, and Elvis on sustenance?

September 27, 2008

fried food on a stick

Our roving reporter reached the State Fair:

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A field report from a concession booth, filed via cellular txt & image capture and transfer:
"Thats a paper basket with a fried Reeses Cup, a fried Oreo, and a fried Snickers candy bar with a coating of powdered sugar.
I can now die happy."
- submitted by bigbonton field correspondent "Junior"

Our professional follow-up found that after the fried sugar snack they went to a college football game. The home team tied twice but lost. Still, "a good time was had by all."

The State Fair. College football.
Welcome to Autumn 2008.

July 11, 2008

Freedom for the Tomato-Eating Underground

Due to the 2008 salmonella outbreak and related fear mongering by the anti-veggie conspiracy and backseat-driving do-gooders, the Annual Sliced Tomato Rodeo is being posted a little late this year.

The Officials have an announcement: “It is now safe to eat a tomato.”
Well if the Officials say it’s safe then we’ll let our sheep and lemming traits kick in and do as we’re instructed.
Let’s eat a tomato! Or two! Wow, we’re crazy…
Life threateningly crazy, it seems.
Prompted by the warnings that “toms equal death by salmonella food poisoning,” we formed a tomato-eating underground. We’re rebels. Been eating vine ripe tomatoes since May.
Like so many other limitations that just don’t constrain us, the tomato ban didn’t apply to us because we planted ‘em, prayed over ‘em, picked ‘em, and then sliced-mayo’d-salted ‘em, then paused to state our gratefulness for our bounty.

Praise God from Whom all blessings flow.
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This documentary photo was taken before Memorial Day ‘08
but is just now able to be released to the public.
Our official policy was that underground tomato eaters didn’t want to appear gauche by flaunting our access to so many things that are so delicious (and healthy).
The real motivation to take our subversive sandwiches underground was that we feared a jealous backlash from tomato fans that are without access to bacteria-free fields, which might lead to class warfare, resulting in a midnight raid on our pristine tomato fields. And you know the tomato-eating underground would be on guard with tomato knives and shakers of salt. We wanted a peaceful coexistence but were prepared to go militant on any poaching gourmands. Slice! Then salt the wounds! We meant it.

Now that Officials have freed the tomato-eating underground, we will show good faith by sharing our secret ingredients. We like sugarless tea - sweetened only with a dash of fruit juice (we prefer apple or OJ), and sourdough bread (the white bread un-Wonderbread of the 21st century).

Dive face first into the blessings of the season. Other boatloads of seasonal blessings include: shrimp by the net-full, figs and pears by the bucket-full, watermelons by the arm-full, saltwater soaks by the ocean-full, sun by the sky-full … and, and,
“Her cups runneth over” by the bikini-full!
Praise Jah for all tomatoes!
Ours, yours, and especially - HERS !
Dive face first into the blessings of the season.


Click here for a review of the Official 2007 Annual Sliced Tomato Rodeo

Is it me or is this post chock-full of hyphens and dashes?
Chock-full. See? There it goes – again.

July 17, 2007

Frogmore Stew, aka “Lowcountry Boil,” and “Beaufort Stew.”

Into boiling water add in the following order:
Several spices, link sausages, round potatoes (optional), corn on the cob, then bags and bags of shrimp by the pound. Allow to return to boil between each added ingredient. Do not over cook.


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Eaten with your hands, it has a casual standing and eating while chatting vibe.

Sometimes an error in judgment causes a (too) formal affair to mistakenly serve Frogmore stew. It’s messy and so is best consumed in a bathing suit where there is available water to jump into.

May 22, 2007

Annual Sliced Tomato Rodeo

It's the perfect tomato 2006 vs. the challenger tomato 2007


We gathered this annual lineup of beauties on the tomato boardwalk so you can gander from your chair at the table.
Go ahead and eyeball
the non-palooka paradicsomek of May 2007 ! ! !


Compare these proud tomatoes, these two tournament quality beefsteak tomatoes
from May 2006 (1 year ago) . . .

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. . . to these two vine-fresh organic tomatoes
in May 2007.

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Seeking a competitive advantage, this contender (below)
enhanced their sliced tomatoes
with mozzarella & ocimum basilicum (basil).

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: :
another Spring of delights; days of joy, nights of bliss.

This is gonna be the Best Summer EVER!
- Summer of Love 1967, Reprised 2007.

: :
All across the nation, such a strange vibration
People in motion - people in motion

For those who come to San Francisco
Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair

If you come to San Francisco
Summer-time will be a love-in there
: :

Continue reading "Annual Sliced Tomato Rodeo" »

May 5, 2007

shrimp, scampi, prawns, camarón

This is all that's left from an effort to cast, pull, drop, collect, head, wash, season, boil, peel, eat, peel, eat, peel, eat, peel, and put away until breakfast.

Let's play "name that movie"!

Life is more than a box of chocolates (film reference alert)

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Bubba: " Anyway, like I was sayin', shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey's uh, shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich.
That - that's about it. "

- you know the quote source, don'cha?
It's a film with many notable quotes that most of you would remember, even if you are not a smart man. After all, stupid is as stupid does, so take heart!

February 1, 2007

A Tool in Tangerine-tini town

:: MAKE YOUR VALENTINES RESERVATIONS NOW ::

Tangerine fusion + sushi bar
tangerinefusion.com
Savannah, GA
912-920-5504

Look for Logan's Roadhouse on Abercorn, near the mall acres.
Without that landmark the restaurant behind the roadhouse would have a real problem with directions. An orange colored sign (ok, tangerine, I get it) will locate the venue once you get off the thoroughfare.

The wait staff is informed and attentive.
Personable and comfortable.
Never reticent.
Reticent?
ret·i·cent adj - unwilling to communicate very much, talk a lot, or reveal all the facts.

Enjoy your new word.
Use it, don’t be reticent. <- tee hee!


Tangerine.jpg

. . . 3, 2, 1, . . . begin reading fiction now:
(click for extended version)

Continue reading "A Tool in Tangerine-tini town" »

January 7, 2007

BBQ White Bread

The Joy of Carbs:

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This photo has got it all, as shown by the tailgate of an old Ford pick-up truck, the pending promise of a new loaf of bread, a catchy'ly named processed product, and the expectation of sauce sopping succulence yet to come.
The brand name comes from the thicker than usual slices of bread. Purchased by a 90 year old farmer that knows the meaning of "sliced bread" better than most of us. During biscuit making lessons he told about a DIY (do it yourself) life in the country before and after The War (WWII), the only time he's traveled away from the farm.
Hearing first hand from a person whose world is all about making your own or doing without, when he told of his first encounter with sliced bread we were spellbound. Fully captivated over store bought bread.

Possibly the best thing of all?
It’s enriched!
A real Wonder of a loaf of white bread.
“BBQ bread”. It tells you its purpose.
Clarity in communication.
Specialization in production.
How American Modern. See you at the MOMA.

October 10, 2006

cowboy diet: eat & move

News Flash:
"We ain't having no winter this year"

That news tidbit was overheard at an October picnic.
70 degrees, Mild sun, cool air, leaves, sports, just a wonderful day to get physical with badminton, Frisbee, and the "competitive pine cone target toss competition".


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Munching away at fresh produce, late season tomatoes, cukes, watermelons, and good meat in the form of lovingly prepared sausages and ribs.

Oh, the meat! Oh, the meat! The sausage and the ribs that lost their lives that we may eat so well.
Hey, have a little respect for the fresh produce too!
These veggies were alive until a few hours before we steamed & olive-oiled them.
Nothing was wasted. Bounty was appreciated.

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This photo is of the leftover racks of ribs.
The photographer didn't waste time with the camera at first, he got elbow deep into the rack and luckily there was this much left to photograph as evidence of a wonderful afternoon.

Continue reading "cowboy diet: eat & move" »

April 30, 2006

Clay Pot sans lid

Yet another bountiful meal that makes us feel grateful to have worked up an appetite.

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All Hail the clay pot on a Sunday evening,
especially when we get to use our funky yard sale plates.

Continue reading "Clay Pot sans lid" »

February 1, 2006

A truck, an ax and thou



This photo has all the elements of a good 48 hours along the shore of the Gulf of Mexico: fire, food, and a blue tarp.

All hail the ubiquitous blue tarp!
The post-hurricane source of keeping dry, getting by, making due.
We were smoking 60 lbs of ribs, 30 fish steaks, zucchini, squash, onions, and anything not nailed down.

Continue reading "A truck, an ax and thou" »

November 23, 2005

Thanksgiving 2005


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Why this is the best holiday:

Corn bread - it's so good as dressing, stuffing, muffins, even for breakfast as a corn meal pancake.

Planes, Trains, & Automobiles (1987 film) - Steve Martin & John Candy can't get home. Ever been there? Ever said "If I ever get home I'm going to nail my feet to the ground"?

Hanging out in a warm kitchen (where the action is) while the slack-jawed stare at the boob-tube.

No pressure to get meaningful gifts. Bring what you enjoy and share.

Eat, relax, have dessert, walk - but not too far, get warm, TV, eat, relax, repeat.

Long distance phone calls are a convenient escape hatch. Most people are available for the call and are mellowed-out too!

Holidays are just starting so Santa & his minions have yet to be overdone.
This year I woke up to "Little Drummer Boy" on my clock radio alarm - before Halloween. I said before Halloween!
I changed the alarm before I did anything else that morning.
Now I wake safely to a CD.
Pah-rum-pum-pum-pum on that October morning was worse than the morning the station was playing "Tie a Yellow Ribbon" when the alarm went off. Both times I had to tell myself "this shouldn't ruin your day".

---------------------
And,
Two sets of prose supporting the theory
"why this is the best holiday":

To Autumn
Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness!
Close bosom-friend of the maturing sun;
. . . (see comments)
- John Keats. 1795–1821
---------------------

Got my ticket, grabbed my load.
Conductor done yelling all aboard.
Find a seat and rare way back.
Watch this train going down the track.
Bring it on home.
(paraphrased)
---------------------

August 6, 2005

blue crab boiler

Feeding the masses.

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See how Blue the Blue Crabs are pre-steaming?

We spent hours cooking and eating several tubs of these blue crabs,
along with shrimp, flounder, new potatoes, corn on the cobb, sausages,
and anything else that wasn't nailed down.

Catch It.
Cook It &
Eat It!

Elvis Lives!
He stopped by Saturday night, looked good,
was cutting up with the karate chops in the yard with the kids.
What an appetite!

July 18, 2005

Seafood Social

This photo shows my chow position at the sawhorse and plywood table.

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We are way out here where the June Bugs sing, the locusts drone and the humidity has won. Give it up y'all, looking calm cool & collected just ain't gonna happen tonight.
As the Czechs in Bohemia say, it's "cucumber season",
with all the double entendre a hot summer deserves.

Continue reading "Seafood Social" »

May 13, 2005

North Carolina Fried Pickles


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Regarding Fried Pickles
Let me get two things out of the way:
1/ The worst thing about fried pickles is the idea of fried pickles.
2/ The second worst thing about fried pickles is encouraging the stereotype of Southern Fried everything, which would not have been an issue if I’d had my first fried pickle in Napa, Chinatown, or San Francisco. And I would have except I never saw any fried pickles on the appetizer menu in those particular locales.

Stereotypes are based on something and I did have my first fried pickle slice in a small North Carolina town known for its close NASCAR affiliation, NASCAR being quite a Southern thing. Or thang, y’all. [side note: I learned the origin of the phrase “git ‘er done” while on this excursion]. This Carolina-ville features a lake and shiny-happy kids walking to school with a white picket fence. It's the type of idealized small town America that real estate marketing departments try to recreate in their planned communities. Here there are no gates with security codes protecting the community, just neighbors that know more about you than you may wish, but they also know what’s going on and will not hesitate to eyeball activities from the front porch for the common good. All located on the opposite side of the state from Mount Olive, home of the giant pickle corporation that you might expect to promote anything as long as it sells pickles. Inside tip: check your Sprawl-Mart grocers shelves for Extreme Fried pickles - microwaveable and available in the bread & butter event or the gherkin experience.

While eating we did not see any NASCAR celebrities but since this fried pickle stand is covered with mucho stock car racing memorabilia (I’m trying to avoid typing NASCAR again) in the way that only stock car racing (avoiding saying NASCAR again) can cover every inch with a logo, we did not lack for any stock car racing sights. Our waitress said we just missed some [NASCAR] racing celebrity whose name was unknown to me anyway. I’ll bet she says that to all her tables. Our waitress sure was pretty & healthy in that small town way. She was quick without seeming rushed or harried. She worked hard with a calmness, was not over caffeinated to get though her shift. She let us know that her son has outgrown Little League so he now plays softball. Doing some mental math, we surmised that they breed young around here. Looking at her, I understand why (& how).

The fried pickle appetizers are served by a “Sonny” whose father (“Daddy”?) owns the only seafood place in town. Sonny owns the only BBQ place in town. A mini food service dynasty since there no other dining choices within 25 miles that is not a chain, franchise, or StarBucko-McBell.

I like fried pickles. You would like them too. If you ever have the opportunity to order them remember to keep your mind as open as your mouth.
Tastes like salt & vinegar potato chips, without the crunch.

Full disclosure, not sure of the connection:
In a party of 3,
One-third of the diners barfed within 3 hours of eating fried pickles.
A second one-third tossed his cookies 2 days later. That second diner to erp-up has a stomach of legendary endurance, so the 2 day vomit delay may not negate a link to this novelty appetizer.
Come to think of it, the remaining one-third of the sample diners didn’t eat any fried pickles & she didn’t upchuck at all (at last survey).
Just the facts. Any causal relationship must be determined.

I’d eat fried pickles again. I draw the line at deep fried Twinkies since I am on a Twinkie-free diet. The origin of those Twinkies being deep fried is at a state fair in Ohio, which is not a Southern state (so there). Which also explains why I’ve never had deep fried Twinkies: I’ve just never had the opportunity . . .

January 25, 2005

if we were woodpeckers . . .

. . . I'd invite you over to my dead tree for some grubs and easy pecking. Posted by Hello

January 23, 2005

Sunday Dinner

 Posted by Hello

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A plate full on a cold Sunday.
* Smoked tenderloin medallions, cut thick like a 1970s medallion worn with a turtleneck and sportcoat.
* Turnip greens - plenty tasty when properly seasoned, and she was.
* Pinto beans - oh so well seasoned.
* Extra smoked pork to stretch the tenderloin - worked out great.
* Corn de la cob.
* And iced tea and rice, rice, of course rice is on the plate.
- We have so much in common with Asians, we eat rice daily and we worship our ancestors too.

What is dinner anyway? A big lunch? Then what is Supper? Dinner?
I know breakfast, lunch, dinner. Call me for Supper sometime, OK?

This table can be seen in the
Hollywood-blockbuster-film-event "The Prince of Tides",
it's the family table in that film.
But maybe you recognized it already.

November 10, 2004

Yellow Sub

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Best club ever

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The Country Club
Yellow Sub, Lawrence, Kansas
crumbled bacon, mushrooms, turkey, ham, with shredded lettuce and onions on the side,
on home made sub roll, with soda refills AND that good crushed ice.
Walking distance from 1212 Louisiana Street, University of Kansas campus.

October 12, 2004

St. Anthonys, ID night life consists of:

Using Manners to Get Food when Hungry and a Stranger in a Strange Land.
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Here's the deal, the inside story on a big good time (bigbonton) in this town (population 3,325).
Begins with Hunger.
Go into the Star Cafe & Lounge front door. Ignore the empty Cafe & Lounge area. Proceded on the uneven flooring through wooden door, then navigate the maze of halls and unmarked doors, trying each one. They are all locked or open into shadows of danger.
Hear a big laugh. Follow, people are in this building & they seem OK, maybe. They laugh like that here.
Enter the "actual" Star Cafe & Lounge entrance after a 10 minute search through the empty Star Cafe & Lounge building.
Persist! There are no other choices, wha' you want Thai tonight? Deep dish pizza? Feel like Pho? Then go home. Dude, you want to eat tonight? Well you're going to ask the barmaid nicely about a meal. Hat in hand, because everyone here knows
"we quit serving early tonight".
Persist, call up the manners Grandma told you about. Follow Miss Barmaids directions through another maze of halls and unmarked doors. Fear a trap. You are lost in a building and know you cannot find your way out. I left my flashlight in my daypack. Helpless & hungry, but in America so we'll be OK.
Enter the secret (licensed?) cantina through their backdoor. You were not invited to dinner. The room of 18 festive Spanish-speaking farming brethern goes silent.
Smile hard, remember the manners Grandma taught you. Some people are eating here. Others might be able to eat tonight also.
Smile and for Gawds sake don't step on anyones toes, you couldn't find your way out of here in the daylight, much less "after we quit serving early".
You may win big like we did! We charmed an off-duty cook into the best Mexican plate I have ever tasted - not just because it was a hard-won meal, but because this burrito had life and was a gift of love!
"Hungry and you fed me".
Now get a formerly festive brethern to lead you back to your place at the Star Cafe & Lounge, so he "can get on along with his party".
Next: Place $5 before Miss Barmaid. Now you can smile more easily. Say things like: "Keep 'em coming, M'am. I sure do like it here."
Saying "keep the change, you are so good to me" also works when your smile and manners need a boost.

September 27, 2004

Sunday classified: Burgers, BIG

Vals One Pound Hamburger.
Two all Beef pattys . . .
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. . . with iceberg lettuce, serve-yourself pickles & onion in tupperware on the side, on a white - the whitest - Burger Bun you've ever seen!
Served under fluorescent lights! In a Booth.
MMmm HHmm. God Bless America.
Vals in the East Bay, Northern California.